What next?

Now that you've shed many of the self-help rituals that were not helping you anyway, you may feel bereft of tools... alone with no hope. Let me ask you something, "If you want to nail two pieces of wood together, would you want to have a toolset full of Nerf (sponge) tools that just look like they will work, or would you rather have a rock with which to drive the nail through the wood?" Sure, a hammer may be nice... but you can do with a rock if a hammer is not available. In either case, sponge tools are of no use.

So, what is left? Several things:

1. you... with all the warts you see yourself as having;
2. the skills you have;
3. the people you know (even if you only know one person); and
4. your ability to act

Don't get me started on "goal-writing," "action plans," and "checklists." I have a few things to say about those too... but I won't right now. No. What I will say now is to take a simple, small, spontaneous action using the principles I've mentioned before. Let me illustrate with a few examples.

1. If you are trying to learn Spanish and want to feel confident about speaking with someone, just pick up the phone, call a Mexican restaurant, and ask them--in Spanish--where they are located and when they close for the day. Thank them and hang up. That's it. No big speech, no mass audience, no eloquent soliloquy.
2. If you are disappointed about your level of education and wish you could just know more about "topic X" or had studied at a better school, then just go to MIT's OpenCourseware project (http://ocw.mit.edu/), pick a video lecture from the many they offer for free, sit back, and view it. You need not read, or research, or do anything else for now. Just sit back and view it.
3. If you wish you had courage to ask someone on a date--someone with whom you haven't ever spoken--but you're afraid of being rejected, then today smile at her/him, ask how their day is going... and that's it. Nothing more for now.
4. If you want to present confidently at a meeting, just start talking... regardless of how you feel. Don't try to be confident or anything... just say whatever you have to say. At the end, don't ask for feedback, don't wonder how you did, don't give it another thought. Just move on to the next thing, as if confidence is not an issue.

The above actions may seem silly. No one serious would dare engage in such childish activities. If you think so, I'm sorry to hear that. You're missing the point. The point is to take a small action and realize that, "It's possible." I'm not going to say that by doing the small action you unleash the creative power of the universe; you're not. What you're doing is taking a small step on the journey to reaching the goal. You're taking a small risk, and you realize that it's possible.

Now that you've done this, you could also conceivably come to the realization that realizing the end goal is not really what you wanted in the first place. It's better to conclude that at the beginning than after you've invested a lot of time and money. In the business world, we call this "piloting." Before a company invests a lot of money pushing a product nation-wide, it invests a fraction and markets the product to a few cities... to see how the product fares. If it does well, more funds are released and the company expands to a broader geography. If the product fails, or if the company realizes that the outcome is not what it thought it would have, then the product is canceled and the money invested in some other activity. No emotion: just try something, see the outcome, and then take the next step.

After you take the first small action, your emotion may change or it may not. That's not important. The point is you began achieving your outcome in spite of your emotion. If you still have a desire to continue, then do it... little by little.

If what you're looking for is an "overnight" courage or self esteem or some other emotion, what you can accomplish "overnight" is to convince yourself that the emotion is irrelevant. What you are really yearning for is some material outcome. The emotion may follow or not... but an emotion buys you nothing.

More tools to come. That said, I believe the above tool is the most important: spontaneous action without regard to the emotion you currently feel.